Power of Ignore

wpid-img_23667455880134.jpegIf you know Karen, this is one of her favorite phrases. Dating has become a circus, I have always said love should be easy, but people make it so hard.

In our world, this is how it should be: Boy meets girl–>They feel the chemistry and fireworks–> the girl’s foot pops on their first kiss like in Princess Diaries–>They fall in love–>And live happily ever after–> THE END.

But it has become way too easy for men and women to fall into the never-ending game of dating. I admit I do as well because if you don’t, you can’t get ahead. There are rules for everything such as how many days to wait in between texts, how often you should see each other before you are considered clingy, make sure not to open up all at once, who should be the first person to define the relationship, you learn to hold back specific pieces of yourself because A) it could be considered crazy B) Quirky or dorky C) You need to hold some face cards in your back pocket to play with.

So what is the power of ignore? It is essentially part of playing the game. You will notice through all the posts, Karen and I are big believers that if a man wants you, he will do what it takes to get you. And sadly, not that it should be this way, if a guy thinks he has you wrapped too early, you become a commodity and he gets comfortable, which is where the power of ignore comes into play.

Men are used to girls saying yes basically to anything they ask for. They are used to getting their way with women for so many things including being able to treat them as an option versus their only choice. Then women complain about not being treated right. The guys that they are interested in texts and see them when it is convenient for them, they won’t commit, etc…And you don’t know why because you say you make it clear what you want.

It is essentially because you have switched the roles. It is not your job to go after the man; it is his job to come after you. When you do all the initiating in the beginning, it gives them the ability to take you for granted. How many times has the guy texted you last-minute to hang-out and you say yes? How many text messages do you send before receiving one response back?

wpid-img_23563524758307.jpegAnd does he call it an actual date or use the word hang-out? Whenever I meet someone and they ask me out, I especially look for them to say I want to take you out on a date. If they say, are you free to hangout; they go in my phone as asshole for a few months before being deleted. They say first impressions are everything, we are not in high school to hang out together, and adults go on dates. A date shows effort, planning, and care.

This has nothing with being flexible. I do believe once you get in a relationship you should be accommodating and compromise. If a guy really wants to see you, he will respect your time and make plans in advance. If he rescheduled on you and you are tired of it, ignore him and don’t make plans again.

He will know that it’s not right and find a way to make up for it or he fades away by the wayside. I know some of you do not agree with this and that women can/should initiate too, but call me and Karen old school.

Most importantly, live your life, don’t be so dependent on having someone next to you, they will fall into place. I am not encouraging you to stop looking because prince charming will not knock on your door with a white horse, but you should do whatever you want and the right person will fall into place where he won’t require you to ignore his far and few texts to get him to respond.

And if he does keep playing that game, you know the power of ignore can last for a few days or it can last for eternity and in Karen’s words boy bye!

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Why do we trip, fall, and stumble into love?

wpid-img_43046690812541.jpegKaren and I were talking about how many walls people build around themselves now. Back in our parent’s day people were simple, love was simple.

Today, it is about how good you can play the game and people who truly believe in fairy tales, eventually find out that not every story has a happily ever after. Everyone has had their heart-broken at least once, if you have not, you are one of the lucky ones. Each time, this happens, another armor suit comes on and it takes an army to break it down again.

Someone once mentioned to me that people tend to go into a new relationship like they are in a boxing match with their boxing gloves on. Mine happens to be hot pink.

I think we were talking about my parents and how adorable they are. They really are I may be biased because they are mine, but others have confirmed it as well. Karen said something that really struck a chord with me; people make it so hard to love that instead of just falling in love, people nowadays unintentionally trip into love.

Have you ever thought of it that way? It is true; people do not allow themselves to love unconditionally anymore. There are always rules and regulations, terms and conditions, and if you do not read the fine print, who knows what type of package you are signing up for. You might end up getting a lot of unexpected fees.

People do not just fall in love naturally anymore. You don’t hear as many stories of someone meeting randomly at a coffee shop and the man just could not resist falling for the girl’s charm and the rest is history or in Disney movies, the heroic prince going any lengths to win his damsel’s heart.

People put up so many obstacles that it makes it nearly impossible to love them even if the right person comes along. People are so concerned with finding someone who fits every item on their checklist that they forget what love is. I think even in many senses, what a relationship really means.

Next time someone comes your way, not just anyone, but someone who makes you say they’re worth it; take a step back and tell yourself, let it happen. Throw your boxing gloves in the ring and follow the yellow brick road. Who knows where it will lead you.

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How Dating is Like Interviewing for a Job?

sdfsaIdalia and I had our long and overdue catch up conversation the other night.  It lasted 5 hours and what I will tell you is that if we did not both have to work on a nice Sunday morning, we would have kept talking.

We talk about everything.  I love her for so many reasons and I have to say I thank her for her friendship, wonderful heart, her sisterly advice, her sense of humor, and how much she cares for her little friend.

As I was updating her on what Karen calls Project Clean Slate, which entails removing everyone that keeping comes through the revolving door, sometimes 2 to 3 times who doesn’t fit the qualities that I am looking for long-term, Idalia said she was very proud of me because I have finally come full circle.

The person who I was 1 ½ years ago went out every night, met people and went with the flow, so if someone asked me out, if it fit in my schedule sure, I was just looking to go out and have a fun time at the moment. Now my mindset is so different.  I’d rather be at the gym, with a friend, on a call with my parents, or even doing laundry than be on a pointless date.

That’s when Idalia mentioned that dating is like interviewing for a job. She had heard this from one of her colleagues and in essence, as she explained it, it’s absolutely a great comparison. Her explanation was more of an overview; I took it down to a micro-level.

Steps Job Hunting Dating
Determining what industry you want When you initially start job hunting, there are so many opportunities.  It can be overwhelming. When you look on Indeed.com or Simplyhired, you feel as if the world is your oyster.  You have to eventually decide what industry you want. Do you want your same industry or try a whole new playing field? Dating may not have industries, but they have types.  You have to decide what type you want to gear towards. Are you looking for A) sexy, maybe rich dirtbag, he’s totally hot B) The one that isn’t that good-looking, but so rich he will buy you anything C) The typical nice guy D) The one with issues, but you think you can be the one to change him E) Friend that you could possibly see as more? And the list goes on.
Writing and Revising Your Resume Once you figure out what you want, the first step is to review your resume. It hasn’t been touched in a few years and you just need to spruce it up. In this phase, people look at their past relationships, what they did wrong, why it failed, what lessons you took from it, what you want in the next relationship, and the qualities you are looking for.
Placing your Resume on the Market You spend hours uploading your resume to Monster.com, Indeed.com, Dice, LinkedIn, Glassdoor, and of course USA Jobs Once you decide you are ready to start dating, you have to figure out where to meet people: At networking events, parties, set-ups, or now online.
Applying for any Job Now that you’ve done the initial upload, you have to actually apply.  You spend days, weeks, even months going through different job descriptions to see if you are a fit.  At the beginning you are on a roll and applying to anything and everything. You don’t even remember what you have applied for. You’ve put yourself out there, and you’ve started dating…a lot.  You’ve gone out with every type of person you can think of.  You’ve gone on your “man safari” as Mitch mentioned one of his girlfriends is doing. The downside is that you get a lot of one hit wonders and you can’t remember who is who. Idalia says this is the same concept as getting a call for an interview call and saying, wait what job is this for again?
No REAL job leads Time goes by and you don’t get any promising interview calls.  All of them aren’t what you are looking for None of the dates are working out.  You realize that by dating anyone, you are having problems finding someone you really connect with.
Re-strategizing and being more niche You realize by applying to everything, it was a big mistake.  You decided quantity was better than quality when you first put your resume out there.  You’ve diluted your worth and now you need to look at being narrower in applying for the positions and companies that you really want. The dating spree is over. You already had enough fun to last a lifetime. You are at a place where you want something more.At this point, you need to focus on quality versus quantity. You want someone who you can have a happily ever after with someday.
Getting the interview call You make it a goal to take every initial call, but as you go on the second or third interview, you start sensing if the company is right for you. Sometimes, you know right after the first phone call. But you as you get further in the process; you will have to start eliminating companies that you know you do not want to work for. This is the vetting process. I am a big believer that before you just go on a first date, you have to see if there is compatibility.   That only comes with talking before choosing to go on the date and seeing if you are even interested. Why waste your time if you can’t even hold a conversation before meeting?
Final rounds of interviews Both parties are mutually interested in bringing you on and at that point, you start to discuss the benefits package.  Maybe you have 2 or 3 companies that you are trying to decide, but eventually you have to pick one. You always hear the phrase, when it rains, it pours and that is true with dating. As you are trying to narrow down your options, you have to look at the full package. No one is perfect, so you need to look at compatibility, hobbies in common, goals, lifestyle, deal breakers, and of course the chemistry.
Deal or No Deal Once the offer is given, you have to carefully take a look at all the details, the potential growth, work environment, responsibilities, etc… At the end, you’ll accept one job offer. This is where you make it official, however you choose. In my book, it’s not official until it’s on FB and your parents and friends have approved. But each person’s definition is different.

 

As you enter the dating world, just treat it like a job interview.  To sum it up in Idalia’s words, when you know what you want in life, you get to be picky and choosy.  You don’t want to just take any job, you want the right job for all the right reasons.  It’s fine to have several options, more options are better than no options, but eventually you have to go through the entire process to narrow down which job you are going to take.  It’s the same as dating.  You start by getting to know the person(s) and you start weeding out the ones you don’t care for.  My theory is…If you would rather go to the gym, hang out with your friends, or take a nap than go on a date with someone, it’s time to part ways and move on to the next.  Eventually, you’ll find one that makes you want to accept the final deal.

And remember…

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Why Only Short People Can Understand My Struggles

Being short has its advantages, but a lot of times there are a lot of disadvantages. Tall people -You will never understand.

  • Tall people = long legs. Trying to walk with you is difficult. Each of your steps is like 3 of ours. We have to hustle our booties to keep up with you. Please take that in consideration, especially when walking in heels.
  • Yes, I’m little. I don’t need to be told time and time again. I’m reminded each day when I can’t reach something. I have a tall bed, I have to literally hop on it each night.
  • Don’t pretend you can’t see me. I hate this. People just don’t watch where they are going. The worst is the metro or crowds where they thing because you are little, they can smash you against a wall or around you. I always want to tap them and say…Um…Hi there is a person here. I personally don’t want to be standing directly below your armpit, no offense.
  • Sometimes, I really can’t see you. Our line of vision is straight. I can see you far away, but once you are closer, it’s hard to see you unless I look up.
  • Grocery shopping is always an adventure. They need to put the step stools for each aisle, so I don’t have to resort to climbing things or use long sticks to get what I need.

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  • People can’t hear you.   This is a real problem, especially at work. I’ll be having an entire conversation with my boss or co-workers who are 6 feet for a few minutes, all of a sudden they look down and say wait were you talking to me. I have to poke them now and say I have something to tell you.
  • Chopsticks are our best friends. I use chopsticks for everything, eating, mixing, and reaching for things.
  • High-five. Not funny. No matter high I jump, I can’t ever reach.

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  • You have to hem everything. Buying pants is a pain. Petite length ones always cost more than normal pants even though they use less material. When you buy normal size pants, you always have to hem everything. Why can’t things just fit?
  • There are a lot of empty shelves in your house. I know in my house, my entire top shelf is empty in the kitchen. If I can’t reach it without jumping on my countertop, I’m not going to put anything in it.
  • It’s hard to see over the steering wheel. It’s really difficult to see over the steering wheel when you are short and you have to sit really close to it. You become really good at guessing where the front is. Back in driver’s ed, I actually had to sit on a phone book. I have now upgraded to a seat pillow. Getting an SUV though, changes everything. You can see so much of the road.
  • You always have to be in front of the picture. I guess this is good and bad because you are short; you always have to be in front so nobody blocks you. For some reason, I still bend when I’m in front as if I’m blocking someone. I guess secretly I think I’m tall, but in reality, I’m not ever blocking anyone.

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  • I’m a monster. Sanam always says that around me especially when she wears heels. She will turn to me, pat my head and say you are so little. I’m a monster next to you.  Both her and Karen have always been in awe at how small my shoe size is as well.  They say, your feet are SO tiny.
  • Fresher air. Izzy who is 6’2″, yes more than a foot taller than me said that the air is better up at his height.  It’s probably true, but ignorance is bliss. I don’t know what it’s like, so I don’t know if it is better air or not.
  • Weight is not forgiving. Being short means you are more compact, so when you gain a little bit of weight it shows. Tall people have more room to disburse the weight, we don’t. If I gain 5 lbs, you see it in my face. If I gain 10 lbs, you see it all over the place, more than 10 lbs…meet my new friend GYM. I’ll be spending many hours with him, don’t be jealous.
  • High heels just make you normal height. Adding on 4-5 inches to 5’1” makes you average height. I have come to terms that I will never be considered tall.

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  • Long dresses will never look good. We are short, long dresses make us even shorter and drown us. I get so jealous when I see someone with a beautiful maxi dress on. I want, but sadly I can only look, but I can’t have.  Look below…No matter how high of heels I have on, my dress will still be dragging, which means as my mom says, I’ll be sweeping the floor clean everywhere I go. Gross.
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  • Cute vs. Sexy. Sadly, cute always wins. Well you know what-sometimes, I just want to be sexy and not cute, but in people’s head, they relate shortness and tiny things to being cute.

But there are benefits of being short:

  • Easily maneuver crowds
  • Escape easily if needed because we can be quick and no one can see us
  • Hide in small places
  • Never worry about being pressured to be good at basketball
  • People usually feel bad and put your carry-on luggage in the overhead compartment as they watch us struggle.
  • Guys usually never let you carry heavy things.
  • When you can lift a big box, people are so impressed because it is half your size.  It makes you feel like Superman!
  • People don’t really yell at us. We’re so little, they feel bad, especially if you give a sad face like the one below. Paolo says not very many people can say no when they see this face.

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If ALL fails and you still struggle with the fact that you are short? Remember this!

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Proof that ALL Asians have Engineer Blood in them

One Saturday morning, I woke up and was going through my normal routine which includes coffee. Well, I grabbed the coffee pot and it just decided to jump out of my hand and onto the floor.

Well, the coffee pot shattered. It was brutal, it was barely 10 AM and I had to clean up glass and more importantly where was my coffee?

I was in no mood to leave the house for a Starbucks, so I had to get creative.

I stood there for a second wondering how I would make this work. For once, my brain worked and ding, ding, ding. A Coffee Maker = Pot + Hot Water + Something to strain the ground coffee in.

So I looked in my kitchen and found the following: Tea pot, water heater, a strainer, and of course, something to hold the handle in place.

I put the filter in and taaaa-daaaaa I got coffee and it was just as good as out of a pot. Granted it took a really long time, but still. I was able to clean while waiting.

I asked Tien if I could patent this since he does patent work…He just laughed, shook his head and kindly said I don’t think so.

I sent this pic to my mom, she was so proud.  Her response: Look at my baby, you are so creative and also a civil engineer to build this. Do you want momma to buy you a new one?

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6 Categories of Women According to P

wpid-img_177496801542183.jpegPaolo, Sarah, and I were at an event and I can’t remember why, but something came up about Paolo’s high school girlfriend and I lectured him on how inappropriate it was to have those things at that young of age.

Sarah was laughing and said are you serious? P said, yes she’s very special and innocent. Sarah said, awwee so she falls in the one you marry category.

That’s when I asked about these categories and she proceeded to explain that P categorizes women. After a long discussion with P the other night, we narrowed it down to 6 categories that women fall into. If it was up to him, he would have subcategories for each category. Remember being concise is so much better than using “fluffy” descriptions.

I had no idea that the categories and explanations could be so complex. I’m not going to lie; it made me giggle.

  1. One Hit Wonder- Count these as girls who are mentioned once or twice and they fall by the wayside. They might be the girl that you meet at the local coffee shop, think she’s cute, but nothing comes to fruition. Or you try and do all the right things and the girl does not respond or meet you halfway.
  2. Friend-zoned Paolo- Sad, this is when a man puts his heart on the line and declares his feelings for a woman, only to be told that the girl only sees him as a good friend. He actually lectured me on this whole topic of not friend-zoning people. I half-listened.
  3. Now Paolo’s Turn to Friend-zone- These are girls who like the man, but the feelings aren’t mutual. This includes the following: The tomboys, like a sister, and best friends without any sparks. It also includes a particular person that everyone else around you thinks would be a good fit for you, but you just can’t see it.
  4. Wrong Time, Wrong Place- Love is about luck and timing and these are the girls who you could see one day marrying, but you meet them at the wrong time in life. This includes the following: Recently single in their hot mess stage (P calls this the whore stage, not true. You can be a hot mess without doing anything naughty), already in a relationship (good or bad), not ready for anything serious, or she is only focused her career and nothing else, etc… The basic summary is that they are not ready to commit.
  5. No Strings Attached- He calls these “benifriends.” I don’t really understand this concept, I saw the movie with Ashton Kutcher and even in the movie they develop feelings. First off, how do you look at each other after? I would be so awkward, blushing, and a little embarrassed. How do you stay “just friends” and how do you not get jealous if the person starts dating someone else. I know people have these benifriends, but it’s a foreign concept to me, so I’ll leave it as that.
  6. Wife Material- This is the girl that you marry. He calls this the unicorn because it’s the ideal girl that you want; she has all the qualities that you are looking for to settle down with. She’s not the one that you just mess around with and toss aside. She’s the one you fight for and keep long-term.

P was like you are absolutely a unicorn. I said I hate being categorized as that and I’m totally not. I’m not obedient, nor domesticated, etc… P reminded me of my birthday present to him, which was a good-luck tie for his future career; he’s never had anyone give such a thoughtful gift, its wife material. My argument, but I give ties to other guy friends too like Mike or do special surprises for my good guy friends.

P said that being a unicorn should something to be proud of and never change because there aren’t that many women who fall into that category in this day and age. I guess who doesn’t love unicorns? They are white, pretty, and magical with rainbows following them wherever they go.

I hope you enjoy the 6 categories and if we missed anything let us know.

9 Favorite Things for Fall

Fall is my absolute favorite season. The weather is perfect, the leaves change color, and of course the accessories are the best.

1-Knee High Boots- I love how cute knee-high boots are. You can wear them with jeans, a skirt, and pretty much any outfit you want. A pair of black and brown boots is a must.

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2-Scarves- I am obsessed. I can’t help myself, anytime I see scarves, I want them. They are the best accessory to dress up any outfit.

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3-Jackets- Again another must have accessory, especially jean ones.

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4-Pumpkin Spice Latte This is my absolute favorite drink from Starbucks. Of course, make sure to get it skinny because it does have extra calories than just the regular ice coffee.

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5-The Leaves- Who doesn’t love the leaves changing colors? It’s magical.

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6-Most Romantic Time of the Year- I think fall is one of the most romantic times and it is the best time to walk hand in hand through the woods or snuggle by the fire.

7-Evening Walks- Need I say more?

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8-Pumpkin Everything-

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9-Tailgates- It is college football season. I’m not a fan, but the tailgate are the best.

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There are so many more reasons to love fall and I hope you love it as well because it’s here!