You know how Van Gogh went through several stages through his life. I think I’m going through my blue stage right now. Don’t worry, I will not cut my ear off like him and I’m not that bad. Just feeling a little defeated.
My readers aka friends have asked how I’m doing since the accident and I know some of you have been super worried because I’ve been acting a little out of character, so why not update you via my blog because A) Life is crazy B) I am horrible at phone calls C) It’s been a mess at work D) I’m in a slight blue stage.
I know I’ve been pretty MIA lately and some of you have texted that you are worried since I am not responding as often and sometimes a little short. There is a very good reason though, I just feel like life has handed me a few bad cards and I told Julie I wonder what I did in my past life for this to happen.
So for those of you who know my parents, you better not tell them anything. Most people who ask me about it, I’ll just say doing fine. It’s so much easier that way. Who wants to hear about gloom and doom?
I am officially out of Physical Therapy. I should be jumping for joy, but they decided to let me go because there is nothing else they can do for me. One thing I am so thankful for is to not have to worry about making time for Physical Therapy and work. It was so stressful to keep up a 40-45 hour workload on about 35 hours, so you don’t get behind at work.
They decided to send me to spinal specialist and another doctor decided a neurologist would be a good option too.
It’s crazy because in seconds my life changed. I used to be the most active person. Now, I have back and neck pain, my neck cracks all the time. My left hip still hurts. My arms go numb and my right wrist hurts aka the brace. Because of the neck pain, I have constant headaches and blurry vision. It definitely makes it hard to fully sleep through the night and focus at work.
Also, memory issues…I know some of you told me right after the accident that you told me stories and then when you told it again, I reacted like I never heard it. I honestly did not remember. Well, it’s not that bad, but I’m more forgetful than normal. I have to use Post ITs or write on my hand to remind myself I parked out of the routine. If I don’t, I’ll forget and have to call Sanam A to pick me up.
So for those of you that I forget to text back, answer FB, or answer a question, please just send me a reminder. My Twin does this constantly.
Yesterday I had to spend 3 hours with a neurologist. I do have to say I’ve never met a more caring doctor, he literally looked at every part of me to make sure every symptom was addressed. I walked in at 5 PM, the first thing he says is, “I’ve met you before. How do I know you?” My first thought was crap; I don’t think we’ve ever met? I told him it’s not possible, but that all Asians look alike. He said no, he is sure he met me, he is never wrong.
He looked over my charts, listened to what happened, my symptoms and looked the car. He asked, how are you still alive? I said, well, to spread sunshine in the world.
After 2 hours of tests, prodding, and more tests, he told me I have 3 choices. Either hope it heals naturally, go to more intense physical therapy, or try shots directly in the muscle. He said the best option would be the shots since 4 months of physical therapy did not help like it should have. After weighing the pros and cons, I decided to try the shots because he said it hurts, but not THAT bad. Lies. It hurt like hell.
Well, I did not expect to go in and have to get 9 shots in my neck and back. The doctor told me he’d be gentle, but I still cried. I have never cried at the doctor before until yesterday. After the 5th shot, I started to tear up, hey it’s painful.
Once #9 was done, I got myself under control and my doctor made jokes about how I did so great. But then he grabbed another needle. I told Shari, I jumped and told him no more and started tearing up again. He laughed and said, don’t worry, this is B12 and it goes in your arm.
If you ever have to have shots and they tell you it does not hurt, don’t trust them. I just hope it works.
First off, I have NO idea how I am going to do an epidural when I have kids. Secondly, I realized how great of friends that I have. I told my girls and this is how they made me laugh. Shari offered to come hold my hand at the next follow-up. Cepand told me I could vent anytime I needed to. I heart them.
So hopefully once things get better I’ll be back to my normal, usual, optimistic self, but in the meantime, know that I love you all and it’s just a phase, but I’ll be ok. So onto the spinal specialist next.
And this is why my girlfriends are the best…