Admit it; we’ve all gotten scared at one point or another at home alone. I was at dinner with Shari’s family and we got on the topic of self-defense and things that you can do to protect yourself. I mentioned how it got scared at my house and used clothes hangers as a weapon. If you missed this, here is the extremely sad story and proof that I would never survive Hunger Games.
One of the guests at dinner works in the security field, so we started getting on the topic. First off, he does not understand what I was going to do with clothes hangers, especially fabric ones. Secondly, he said I handled it all wrong because I never want to be in a position where you come in physical contact. Um yeah, hence being the first one out in Hunger Games. I fall walking…how will I survive a fight?
He then proceeded to tell us tips to keep us safe and honestly I felt as I was in a seminar that I would pay for.
Obviously, I make every serious topic a joke even my accident, but you really should listen to his pointers. Here is the list below:
1-Keep a rope ladder in the rooms located on the high floors. This way if there is robber downstairs or a fire, everyone can open the window and climb down. Make sure to put them in every room. You can buy it here.
2- Have an emergency plan while you are home. Many people have a plan if their loved ones are not in the house, but he made a good point that you need one in the house as well. For example if there was a fire, do the kids come to the parents or the parents go to them? Heaven forbid if something happens to the parents what do the kids do?
3- Know your surroundings. Make sure to keep an eye on things around you. Strangers coming through your neighborhood, unusual cars, people acting out of character.
4- No ADT. No problem. He said anyone can break a security system and most of the time, the response time for authorities to come is slow because dispatch has to confirm if it is a real emergency or not, but if someone does want to rob you they will more likely pick a home without a security system. If you do not have one, just go buy the sign at Home Depot. Shh…They don’t have to know that you’re not paying for the services.
5-Say no to bats, pepper sprays, etc… First off I was like my guy friends offered to buy me a bat. He said this is the worst move because you want to figure out a way to escape without any type of physical contact with the robber because you do not know what weapons he or she has. I told him I don’t need a bat, my plan is to charm my way out of this situation.
In my world, here is how the situation would go down:
Me: Baby why do you want to rob this house? You are too sexy for this! You don’t need to be in this line of work.
Robber: You think I am sexy?
Me: Absolutely, now put away that gun it takes your sexiness down a few notches. Women like men who care and guns do not show that you care.
Robber: You are right, guns are not sexy.
Me: Hand me the gun and let me make you some tea, put your feet up, and relax.
At that moment of weakness I would kick him where it counts aka his prized possession and run away. And that’s how it’s done.
Most guys are shaking their heads, well they are just jealous they cannot charm their way out of situations like girls haha.
6- Its not a coincidence. He mentioned very few robberies are just random acts. Most are people who know you or have studied you enough to know your schedule.
7 – Flip phones are still cool. I never knew this, but any cell phone with a working battery can call 911. Even if the cell phone service has been disconnected, it can still call 911. He suggested you keep one charging in the bedroom and the car just in case your phone is dead.
8- Stay in your car, just a second longer. When you pull up in your driveway, don’t just jump out of your car. Take a second and listen and watch if anyone is around you.
9- Be spontaneous. This does not mean to go wild, but it means mix your routine up. Someone who follows a routine is the easiest target. If the person is watching you, they’ll be able to figure out exactly when you won’t be home. Unfortunately for me, I am tied to a bus schedule and a grown-up job, but I’ve found different ways to change it up. Take different busses, drive to different bus stops, and also I’ll make sure to change my schedule for work. I’ll switch my telework days once in a while, come home earlier, etc…
10- Keep your social media under control. We love to boast about our vacas, but saying I’ll be gone for 3 weeks is a clear invite to any robber saying, “Please rob me.” This is why I always let people know when I am gone so they can check in my house, light timers, and I also have a few of my friends stay there if they want so that there is always someone in the house.
Then we just started talking about random situations, not sure if this will help, but it’s funny:
- Attacked my stray dogs? Jump on top of a car.
- Encounter a black bear? Make a lot of noise, show no fear, and make yourself seem bigger than them, but don’t run. They are going to beat you and they can climb trees.
- Being bitten by a shark? Aim for the eyes or gills. I know this is super hard when your body is being bitten in half, but it may be your chance to escape!
- Later gator! If you see an alligator, hold the jaw close. They don’t have that much strength to open it once you close it, but if your arm happens to be there…good luck!
Shari’s dad thought the entire conversation was hilarious, so to end the evening he surprised me with a hanger to protect myself walking to the car.
So as a Father’s Day gift since he has taken me as one of the family, I made him a personalized protection hanger and of course it has to be bedazzled because it’s me. We think this will be a best seller!